Recently, I’ve been struggling. My mental health has been poor.
Let’s Talk
I don’t know what it was. I’m not sure what the catalyst has been. I’m not convinced there was a specific thing. Maybe lots of things at one go. Maybe too many pressures or too many stresses of life.
Life is busy. I get that. I find that I’m busy a lot of the time but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m not the kind of person to sit around and not do anything, even though I like sleep and enjoy slumping in front of the TV. I’m always planning something or in the middle of a project. That might be a downfall. I never really switch off.
Red Mist
For a long time now I’ve been angry. Not violently, but I do have the occasional rage. Again, I don’t know why. I find myself getting annoyed by the small stuff. Big things don’t bother me. It’s little irritations that niggle away at me until I say something or act out. A few weeks ago I broke down, I just cried.
Men Can Cry
That’s a good thing. Men crying is a good thing. We’re so often told it’s a snowflake thing to do by some old school blokes but showing your emotions is a good thing to do. We’ve cried since we were babies and it’s perfectly fine. I felt rock bottom, I felt flat, I felt broken. When you are broken though, there’s no really any other way to go than piece yourself back together. When you’re in the bottom of the valley, the deepest darkest part, there’s only one way out and that’s upwards.
Ups & Downs
Life is full of mountains and valleys. Peaks & troughs. It’s a journey, a roller coaster, all the cliches. I’ve written and even vlogged before about mental health and my struggles. What has worked and what hasn’t. Sometimes I think my pills aren’t doing anything. They clearly are. I was always worried they’d just mask the issue and extinguish my creativity. They haven’t. I need to be consistent with them and I’ve also started taking a magnesium tablet every day.
Family, Friends, Faith
I have a supportive family. Being a father of three lads brings it’s own pressure with it but I must strive to be the best possible example of a man to them. It’s hard but it’s something I must do. I have a few close knit friends and that’s always been enough for me. I don’t have hundreds of friends, just a few who I know I can rely on 100%. They are there for me whenever I need them. I have a faith. I need to turn to that more. That is one thing that has helped me with my mental health issues before.
Anyone, Everyone
These mental health issues can affect anyone and everyone without a moments notice. I don’t know why. Maybe some expert somewhere does but we can only try to be the best possible versions of ourselves, whilst failing on a daily basis. Maybe that’s an issue in itself. I don’t need to strive for perfection, just to be good. I’m in the process of bouncing back from being broken. It’s probably something that is going to be with me for life, something I’ll have to live with forever. If I can fight these demons I’m a better person and if you’re reading this, feeling down and out, there’s always a way back.
