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It’s important for parents to find ways to help develop their child’s emotional intelligence so that they are able to express themselves in a healthy manner, understand and cope with their feelings and build strong relationships. All children have the capacity to learn emotional intelligence and can do so at any age. Here are some tips from an independent school in London.
Be a Good Role Model
Children learn by observing influential people around them, so it’s important that you model the behaviour you want to see from your child. If you don’t want your child to shout when they’re angry then you should avoid shouting when you’re angry. Instead, try to calmly explain how you feel and why. This will also teach your child how to cope with certain emotions. For example, if you’ve had a rough day at work, you can say to your family “I’m feeling quite stressed this evening so I’m going to go and take a relaxing bath”. If your child is naughty, you can say “Your behaviour has made me angry so we should both take some deep breaths to calm down and we can talk about this after”.
Help Your Child Recognise their Emotions
There will be times throughout your child’s life when they feel a certain way but don’t understand what that feeling is. Parents can help with this by pointing out their child’s emotions as and when they occur. For example, if your child is throwing a tantrum on the way to school because they forgot their homework, you could say something like “I know you are angry at yourself for forgetting your homework, but you will be able to hand it in tomorrow and your teacher will understand”. If they meet someone new and don’t want to talk or introduce themselves, you can let the other person know that your child is feeling shy. Of course, be sure to point out the positive emotions too, such as excited, happy, joyful etc.
Don’t Be Dismissive
Even when your child seems to be behaving quite dramatically, don’t dismiss how they are feeling because this will lead to deeper feelings of invalidation. Instead try and be empathetic by saying things like “I feel upset when I don’t get to eat chocolate too, but I know that I can have some another day”. When your child thinks that you truly understand how they are feeling on the inside, they will feel less obliged to show you through a tantrum or some other poor behaviour.
